Twilight turbulence: Families, seniors try to navigate the later years of life

By Jennifer Baldwin - STAFF WRITER

Where to live is a difficult decision for seniors and their children

CARE MANAGER Sandy Cohen, R.N. (left) helps Janet Balch with housing and medical issues because Balch’s closest relative lives in Washington state. Photo: Ray Chavez – Staff

When adult children find themselves separated from their aging parents, they face becoming long-distance care providers. Moving is usually not an option either parent or child wants to consider. Seniors who have lived in their communities for a long time don’t want to leave home.

Janet Balch, an 83-year-old retired teacher, had lived in the city of Alameda for 50 years, 30 of which she spent in the house she and her former husband built on Bay Farm. She is a longtime member of Christ Episcopal Church and a docent at the Oakland Museum of California. So when her closest family member, daughter Ursula Buteau, moved from the Bay Area to Washington state two years ago, Balch stayed behind.

“We brought my husband’s mother with us and would have been happy to take her with us,” says Buteau, a real estate agent with three children of her own. “I didn’t even think about it,” says Balch, who instead chose to move into an assisted living facility down the road from her house, which she sold. “I have my own friends here. I have my own church ... My extended family is my church family.”

Everything was going smoothly until Balch recently suffered a stroke. After a month-long stay in the hospital, she ended up in a nursing home. There, she received little attention and had no one to speak up for her. “I was up a little bit to my neck trying to figure things out,” Balch says. “The place has an aura of hopelessness.”

Living two states away greatly strained Buteau’s efforts to help. “It’s murder,” Buteau says. “You’re doing things over the phone that you would like to do in person. I’ve made six trips in four months. You can’t possibly get everything organized in one trip. And you’re dealing with people who give you lip service; then when you leave, they do something altogether different. You ... come back a month later and find they haven’t done it.”

Buteau’s search for help led her to Sandy Cohen, a geriatric care manager with Cohen Cormier Home Care & Care Management in Oakland. Cohen, who has a nursing background, has helped get Balch’s medication under control. Then, when Balch’s former home barred her from returning there, saying she required more care than they could offer, Cohen helped the family find Balch a new place to live. She will move there in about two weeks.

The new home is in nearby Oakland, and Balch says her friends from Christ Episcopal will still be able to drive her to church. Cohen says she will also help Balch find ways to see her friend Sam, who is 94 and lives at Balch’s former assisted living facility. “We have a very close relationship, and we’re very happy about it,” Balch says. “Sam says it’s very important during this time of life to have a close friend.”

While the move has been a whirlwind for Buteau, who came from Washington to check out Balch’s new home and move all her belongings into storage for the interim, she says she feels tremendous relief. “We’ve relaxed quite a bit,” she says. “I just feel so confident to have somebody that speaks for the family now.”

This article is an excerpt of the original article and was printed with permission from ANG Newspapers

The rest of the story

Sandy Cohen, with help from Janet’s grandson from Washington state and some local friends, assisted her to move to a vibrant assisted living community in Oakland. Sandy arranged for a speech therapist to work with Janet on her stroke-caused difficulty with swallowing food. Janet quickly advanced from a pureed to a normal diet. She is enjoying her new community and continues to have contact with her friends.

Call (510) 652-3377 or (925) 945-8855 or email the Cohen Cormier Home Care & Care Management for a free personal review of your elder care situation by telephone with no obligation. We'll help you identify affordable solutions and ways we can help you achieve them. Click here.